Border Collie Rules

Mom is slowly (I am almost 9) learning all the rules of having a border collie as her master.

• We love to work
• Don't take me on a walk and then expect to sit around, play, play, play
• Treats are a necessity
• Agility is a MUST sport for me.
• Take me to the COWS!!
• Run me thru the park and cemetary
• Rub my ears, booty and tummy
• NO mouse traps or poison. I want to chase them and make them DIE.
• My essence (fur) is NOT to be swept or vacuumed up! She is sneaky with this one and I think it may be a point we have at least compromised upon.
• I like to wake up early and get a start on the dawn. NO sleeping in for her!
• When I talk to her she MUST listen.
• Go where I tell her to go.
• LISTEN!
• Roll the windows down in the car!
• Always include Woody, my buddy, whenever possible.
• Wait is NOT in my vocabulary, only hers.
• Throw the BALL!
• Throw the Frisbee!
• Scritch my ears often.
• Don't bother me when thunderstorms are rolling in! I LIKE IT IN THE BATHTUB!
• Fill the birdfeeder often and make sure I can sit outside to watch!
• The mailman is SUPPOSED to be greeted every day!
• Squirrels are meant to DIE! Rabbits too!
• Toys, Toys, and more Toys. The stuffing is awesome!

I still have much work to do with her. Her training may never end. If I could just get her to stop cleaning the damn house, alot would be accomplished!

What else can I do to train her? Only the future will tell....

My Mom is the Bestest!

WHEN I GOT MY MOM………

• I asked for strength that I might rear her perfectly;
• I was given weakness that I might beg for more treats.
• I asked for good health that I might rest easy;
• I was given a "special needs" mom that I might know nurturing.
• I asked for an obedient mom that I might feel proud;
• I was given stubbornness that I might feel needed.
• I asked for compliance that I might feel masterful;
• I was given a human that I might laugh.
• I asked for a companion that I might not feel lonely;
• I was given a best friend that I would feel loved.
• I got nothing I asked for,
• But everything I need.

-- Unknown

Just a Dog!

I am just a dog. Dogs are awesome. As a border collie, I have even more pride in being a dog. We are smart, athletic and the most loyal dogs. My mom has been in a few tight spots and if it weren't for me getting her out of the house, she might be DOA.

Reasons I love being a dog and living with Mom.

1. Mom gives me treats "regularly" according to her schedule...
2. Running, running, running. I can run so fast mom has to follow me on the bicycle! When we lived in Wyoming, she would follow me in the Scout on the back trails.
3. Sleep. When all the humans get up and go to work, I can fall back asleep on the couch. (Occasionally I sneak onto mom's bed when she isn't here and get the BEST nap ever!)
4. Garbage Day. Wednesday mornings (especially after a holiday) are the best days to sniff the neighborhood. When mom isn't looking I can get some juicy morsels out of the neighbor's trash bins... aaaahhh
5. Woody. My buddy. He can index my booty anytime. He is a great running partner and he even lets me bully him around.
6. Long walks with R-man thru the cemetery. Peaceful and serene as I look out over the river.
7. My ball. My Frisbee. My stuffed animals. Squeaky toys, crinkly balls, bouncy balls, neighbor's baseball. I love my toys!!!
8. Cows and Sheep. You have no idea the joy I get when I herd these beasts around. They are my slaves.
9. Car Rides. Hanging my head out the window of mom's car, letting the breeze flap my little ears.....
10. Hypnotizing R-man with my big brown eyes.

Of course I have a job and responsibilities around the house. Mom always needs to know where she is going. The door needs to be opened. The birds and squirrels need to be chased out of the yard. The vacuum needs to be chased so mom doesn't get hurt. AND best of all SOMEONE needs to lick the plates clean after mom and R-man have a meal.

As the new year opens, I am reminded that my yearly vet appointment is just around the corner. It is the ONE thing I hate about being a dog. I make sure to be on my best behaviour when we go see the vet because, They. Give. Out. Treats. To. Me!!!!!!!

My Fantasy

Watch the video on this blog and you will know what I dream about every night I don't dream about doing the same to COWS...

Herding Sheep

The Water Bowl

It seems that bowl season is upon us. NO, I am not talking about Ella the Therapy Dog! The Family bowl tournament is driving Mom and Dad crazy though!!! Next year I am hoping at a chance to prove that bitch wrong once and for all. She thinks she know football???

My concerns involve my actual Water Bowl. It seems that mom is neglecting to keep it FULL for me. (I would NEVER expect R-man to stoop to do mom's chores.... I Love Him!) Let me tell you a tale of water bowl neglect...

Before Christmas my mom's sister was over at the house wrapping gifts while R-man and Mom were out doing god knows what! They were certainly not taking me on a walk.... Well for two hours I waited for mom to come home, sleeping, watching Animal Planet, walking thru sis's gift wrapping, pacing thru some yummy and sticky tape. I started to sing... in quiet desperation, knuckles white upon the slippery reins ... okay, I digress.

Next thing you know mom walks thru the door like nothin' ever happened. For a few quick moments I jumped for joy and, well, the thrill of seeing her has never ceased to make me lose my mind for a couple of secs....

I finally got my composure and decided to make a point of indicating that my water bowl had been dry for the entire time mom's sis was wrapping Christmas gifts... Two Whole Hours...

I started to cough, mom kept putting away my new treats....

I then started putting a little back into it... maybe some dry heaving.... still mom wandered the house...

a little hacking... One Louder! Louder!! More Hacking! FOR GOD'S SAKE MOM, MY WATER BOWL IS EMPTY..... (she decided to look at me and started to laugh! WTF?)

I stopped short of writhing on the floor and howling.... that would be beneath me.

After mom quit rolling on the kitchen floor with her sis, laughing hysterically, AND crying... She suddenly ran over to my water bowl and filled it up with the blessed cool water of the BATHROOM SINK!!!!!

I ran over to the bowl and gave it a cursory lick. I threw in a small hack/cough for effect and then ran off to play. WOW. The water bowl is finally full again.

The evening came to a fruitful and satisfying end when my R-man walked in the back door and invited me for a quicky around the block. Did I mention how much I LOVE HIM?

Skippin Sideways

Sometimes I wonder about my mom and that big dummy R-Man. I mean, c’mon, there’s no ice or snow right now. Let’s go for a freaking walk once in a while!

They both came home at about 1 in the morning on New Year’s. R-Man tried to take me for a walk, but he was leaning over to the side most of the way and, as usual, it was short.

Sometimes R-Man makes fun of the way I skip down the street when we head out on a long walk. Well, when you are trapped inside most of the day, you’d be skipping too, buster.

R-Man says I skip “sideways.” Well, the other night he wasn’t exactly walking straight up, if ya know what I mean. He said something about a big party at The Elks (there’s elk around here? Where? WHERE?!!!) and I didn’t appreciate him bein’ so goofy.

So yesterday we sat around all day and watched football and the hockey game in the outdoor baseball field. What? 40,000 idiots sitting there watching guys slide around the ice?

I’d like R-Man to take me to a farm pond sometimes so we can both slide around the ice.

I think it’s getting warmer, so no more excuses, R-Man. You better be skippin’ with me after work today!

Pictures

My walks in the park with R-man are sometimes the most cool walks with him. The cemetery is like the open range. The hawks and squirrels are everywhere! Woody and I even got to check out a possum the other day! It played dead for us and later played dead for us again.... I swear it had been running around but then suddenly it kinda rolled over and curled up.... BOTH Times?

Here I am avoiding another picture. Jeesh they like to click that camera! Mom got R-man a camera for Christmas and he is really goin crazy...










Sometimes they get a cool pic of me with Woody, my boyfriend, but he always looks like such a doofus in those. He's a golden retriever and they just seem to photograph that way....

More later, gotta run!