Friday, January 30, 2009

Winter Bliss

The snow was so white and fluffy this morning. I wish mom would take a picture of it falling down, softly to the yard.....

I went outside and checked the perimeter for new squirrel activity in the 'hood. It is getting warmer and there is quite a bit of running around being done by those damn rats! I am keeping my EYE on them for now.

As I walked my route, checked my outposts, and sniffed the snow; I thought about just how beautiful the snow is this time of year. It is just getting warm enough for the snow to be the perfect consistency. Mom thinks it is too big and wet! She tries to get me to hurry up and peepee/poopoo but I'll have NONE of that! Especially this morning when taking my time means I will get to have a thin coat of snow all over my furry bod!

Trotting through the yard, I suddenly smelled a delicious little spot on the ground. I had to roll over, wallow, and rub myself silly in the scents! When I got up I looked at the snow and the pattern I had left and swore.......

It looked like one of those snow angels the kids make in the front yard! WOW! It was stunning!

DoGs, Remember to appreciate the beauty in this world. Sit back, reflect and treat your humans well!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Mail Man!

The mailman and I have been bonding for a very long time. As he delivers the mail, I start to bark and run through the house like a crazy woman! The sound of the mail slot opening and closing will keep me interested for at least 10 minutes. When mom goes out to get the mail off the floor, I run out there to make sure it was OUR mailman that delivered the mail....

Sometimes he is lazy and another, stinkier man will deliver to our neighborhood. I don't want to bond with the other guy, Just Our Guy!

Some days, mom will have me outside when the mailman delivers. On those days, I get to sniff his hand and get a little scritch behind the ears. mmmmmm. Nice.

Today, mom and I were walking in a TOTALLY different block than we normally walk. Suddenly I smelled our mailman! There he was delivering mail to some other house???? I ran up to him and sniffed his legs and shoes. hmmm. I think he must have got lost. He looked down at me and said "Hello, Lucy!" (he remembers MY name) He asked me where mom was and I ran back to the corner to see if her slowpoke ass was EVER gonna catch up. YEP, there she was, puttin' along. I ran back to the mailman and let him know she was on her way. He must not have understood because THEN he walked to the corner to see if mom was there.

When he saw her he bent down and scritched me some more! He was very happy that mom was there and ME TOO! I was hopin' to finish our walk with the mailman but mom made me go another route that he wasn't following.... she is SO stubborn.

Much more retraining is due her. She has such a hard time figuring out where I want her to go; Even when I herd her HARD!!!

Have fun out there DoGs, be nice to your mailman! Sometimes he has TREATS!!!!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Ball Blues...

Mom got me a few toys a week ago at the sports store when r-man and her went shopping for hockey sticks... They brought home a glow-in-the-dark ball, I know it's not a "normal" ball because it really doesn't bounce right. Mom laughed and said it was for Floor Hockey? Whatever, IT'S A NEW BALL!!! That I lost almost immediately. We have searched the house high and low (me and mom) to come to the conclusion that it must be outside, buried in the new snow....

I can't wait for the snow to melt so that I can go outside and find the damn thing! What is wrong with mom that she can't scritch my butt, feed me treats, and keep track of my new ball???


Saturday, January 24, 2009



The world is changing every day. The winter snow has fizzled, my walks and runs are becoming more frequent and life has been good all around for us border collies.... Except?

My Treats Have Changed (for some unknown people reason!)

Mom came home from the store with several new treat baggies. I have had some wild changes in my life before but this one has hit me HARD!

As I wait patiently, with the softest of brown eyed looks, mom heads to cupboard the other day and gives me my treats. My nose picked up the subtle change in odor and my mind began to reel. The first day she gave me some treats that tasted like Cheddar Cheese. They are small little rabbit sized treats that take an entire mom sized handful to even equal 1/2 of one of my old cookie treats. The texture is grainy and turns to a delectable creamy, cheesy goo in my mouth? It took me several morsels to get used to these tiny bits.... I think they are AWESOME.

The next day she opened YET ANOTHER BAGGIE!!?? They look like tiny little chunks of bone with a beefy marrow. These smelled like my beloved steak bites??? I took one in my mouth and it immediately crumbled out onto the floor. I had to snuff around quite a bit to get all the tiny crumbs. As they slid past my taste buds and down my throat I realized they were probably good for me.... The burps were an awesome aftertaste and in the end my tummy purred like the wicked cat next door!! Mom called them MarroBone. mmmmmmm.

Later that afternoon, I was begging her for a walk and she got her shoes on, slowly.... She grabbed another baggie of treats and we headed out the door. I could smell the training treats in her pocket. I KNEW THEY WERE MY OLD TREATS but she just ignored my pleading and forced me to enjoy the walk to the park. When we got to the park, she started running through my agility paces and some other great tricks I have perfected. As soon as I got really good, out came my old treats!!! GoD I love my mom.

SO this morning I had no idea what to expect when she pulled out some treats to thank me for being such a great and loyal doG. This time I could not tell what the treats were.... Smelled like a bacon, sugar, bread kind of substance and it was shaped like a piece of bacon. IT WAS NOT BACON!!! No, Not Bacon. What the Hellllll??? I delicately took a bite and then actually tried chewing a bit....

Oh Well, it was a treat and if she insists..... I will have to enjoy eating it. I LOVE TREATS!!!! No matter what kind of treat mix mom tries to throw at me, so far I have risen to the challenge and devoured them all. I am usually very OCD when it comes to my life. Walks, Treats, Runs, Treats, Nap, Walk, Treats, Nap, then a sensible dinner...... Sometimes a car ride thrown in for good measure....

Dog out there... Take a chance and you might surprise your mom and enjoy the changes!

Mom's favorite blogger keeps putting up pictures of her crazy dog and sometimes I just laugh my booty off! Take a look HERE! It's called!!!


Thursday, January 22, 2009

Girl Talk

Sometimes mom does the right thing. REALLY! Yesterday afternoon I was herding her to the back door for a walk and SHE PUT ON HER COAT like she was going to take me.... Then she got distracted by the phone, dammit. After I got her refocused on the back door, it took a few minutes for her to catch on that I remembered she had already put her coat on and that she is taking me for a walk.... nudging some more, I finally got her out the back door.

She had on all kinds of crap! Scarf, Coat, Gloves and a HAT???!! The shoes are usually more than I can BEAR, especially those thin little "socks" she puts on. She don't know just how cute REAL socks are! Mine are permanent too! ;)

Back to that damn walk.

I was expecting one of her wimpy little walks where she just takes me around the high school and back up to the house. It is only about 3/4 a mile and my needs are much greater. She can't keep up sometimes and it is SO disappointing. But today she took me on a route that R-man usually takes me.... I started to question her motivation; was she taking me to the Vet? Were treats involved? I was tingling with anticipation!

She turned and went down by the Catholic Elementary School. I started to know where we were going..... WOODY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mom was taking me over to my boyfriend, Woody, so that he could join us for a walk through the cemetery! It is a great walk for he and I to take together. We got to race the neighbor dogs together. At one point he had his nose so far up my behind I tripped over him when I was turning back to race the neighbor dogs again! What a man.

Our walk together was great. He likes to pee for hours. He has lost some weight recently and is looking even more studly than ever! If only we weren't both fixed, I would maybe let him have his way with me. NOT. That was the first thing he had to learn about me, I'm a tease, but he still loved me anyway.

By the end of our walk, Woody was foaming at the mouth. He is a Golden Retriever and doesn't have the athletic ability that we Border Collies have.... When we got to his house, he let me drink first from his water bowl. What a gentleman. Afterwards, the sound of his glomping down the rest of his water started to turn me off. As soon as I could get mom to the door I barked BYE to my Woody, shook my booty at him and trotted down the street.

It is always good to make a fabulous exit! He is panting by the door waiting for me to return another day!

Mom got me home and we played ball for a while until she finally decided to get me a treat. She is a bit slow. By the end of the night I was dreaming of herding COWS with my Woody man trailing after me.

Take your time out there DOGS! Stop to smell something (or someone) every so often!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Alley Garbage Blues

So last night R-man took me for a walk and lectured me before we left about not sniffing trash when we walked down the alley.

R-man is a retard.

I mean, I love the guy, but DUDE, I'M A FREAKING DOG.

First of all, Tuesday night is trash night and I can start sniffing it in the afternoon. Not that R-man or mom would care since they ignore me during the day. They say they "have to work" but that's a bunch of moldy dog treats.

So I just cross my paws and wait patiently. That's what Border Collies do, you know.

This cold weather has gotten me down but we can still walk, you know. Last night we skipped down the street and I got halfway down the alley and sure enough, R-man calls to me and we keep going and skip the alley completely.

There had to have been seven sets of trash out there and it's my job to sniff every single one, but NOOOOOO, we have to skip it.

Big dumb R-man.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Something to Chew On!

I saw this YUMMY Toy on the net and plan on asking MOM for this little rascal NEXT!!

Last night I got 5 new toy plush animals.... OH THE JOY AND GREATNESS OF LIFE! I danced and played and tossed the new toys around for about half an hour!!! Mom giggles the entire time and kept fighting with me over the toys!!! She would tug and tug and tug... When she won, she would throw one ALL THE WAY ACROSS the room!! I would have to run around and decide which new toy to bring back over to her!!

WOW that was exciting. When I finally got exhausted from the purest pleasure EVER, I gathered my babies and stacked them in a great pile and plopped my paws and head on top! Blessed are the Mom's of this world. New toys.... mmmmm. I barely even know where the time went!

Soon it was time for a walk outside with mom. She begged ME this time. I was thrilled to go but really hurried about my "business" so that I could get back to the new toys and cuddle.

Life Is Good.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Winter Boredom

How on earth am I supposed to keep active in the middle of winter? Sometimes the ice is so thick I don't see how I will get to the back year to pee? I wrote a bit of blog on mom's blog a while back about this experience. I'll reprint it here.... Enjoy!


You want me to do WHAT?! Go pee out there? Do you see that ice? DAMN! okay, I'll try.

As I headed out the door this morning to risk life and limb for a pee, I wondered who thought of this aSSinine pee/poo process for dogs.... There should be an alternative that could be used on really cold and really icy days.

Slipping down the sidewalk, crunching through the yard, and finally selecting the perfect spot seemed to take years off my life. My pee seemed to freeze before it hit the ground. There is literally a column of pee by the back tree!!

The squirrels weren't even out yet! You people have no idea what I go thru for mom. YEARS of my life spent indoors sleeping on the couch.... What a waste. When I lived in Wyoming I went to work every day and stayed there till the cows came home! Really. Now, I only get to see the cows when mom drives me out by Deter's. Oooops, I drifted off topic. (I love cows!)

Back to the damn ice this morning. I think I pulled a hammy. Maybe I can get my buddy Rot to massage it for me tonight. He has great hands. Be careful out there DOGS, it is a slick and icky mess.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Border Collie Rules

Mom is slowly (I am almost 9) learning all the rules of having a border collie as her master.

  • We love to work
  • Don't take me on a walk and then expect to sit around, play, play, play
  • Treats are a necessity
  • Agility is a MUST sport for me.
  • Take me to the COWS!!
  • Run me thru the park and cemetary
  • Rub my ears, booty and tummy
  • NO mouse traps or poison. I want to chase them and make them DIE.
  • My essence (fur) is NOT to be swept or vacuumed up! She is sneaky with this one and I think it may be a point we have at least compromised upon.
  • I like to wake up early and get a start on the dawn. NO sleeping in for her!
  • When I talk to her she MUST listen.
  • Go where I tell her to go.
  • Roll the windows down in the car!
  • Always include Woody, my buddy, whenever possible.
  • Wait is NOT in my vocabulary, only hers.
  • Throw the BALL!
  • Throw the Frisbee!
  • Scritch my ears often.
  • Don't bother me when thunderstorms are rolling in! I LIKE IT IN THE BATHTUB!
  • Fill the birdfeeder often and make sure I can sit outside to watch!
  • The mailman is SUPPOSED to be greeted every day!
  • Squirrels are meant to DIE! Rabbits too!
  • Toys, Toys, and more Toys. The stuffing is awesome!
I still have much work to do with her. Her training may never end. If I could just get her to stop cleaning the damn house, alot would be accomplished!

What else can I do to train her? Only the future will tell....

Friday, January 9, 2009

My Mom is the Bestest!

  • I asked for strength that I might rear her perfectly;
  • I was given weakness that I might beg for more treats.
  • I asked for good health that I might rest easy;
  • I was given a "special needs" mom that I might know nurturing.
  • I asked for an obedient mom that I might feel proud;
  • I was given stubbornness that I might feel needed.
  • I asked for compliance that I might feel masterful;
  • I was given a human that I might laugh.
  • I asked for a companion that I might not feel lonely;
  • I was given a best friend that I would feel loved.
  • I got nothing I asked for,
  • But everything I need.
-- Unknown

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Just a Dog!

I am just a dog. Dogs are awesome. As a border collie, I have even more pride in being a dog. We are smart, athletic and the most loyal dogs. My mom has been in a few tight spots and if it weren't for me getting her out of the house, she might be DOA.

Reasons I love being a dog and living with Mom.

  1. Mom gives me treats "regularly" according to her schedule...
  2. Running, running, running. I can run so fast mom has to follow me on the bicycle! When we lived in Wyoming, she would follow me in the Scout on the back trails.
  3. Sleep. When all the humans get up and go to work, I can fall back asleep on the couch. (Occasionally I sneak onto mom's bed when she isn't here and get the BEST nap ever!)
  4. Garbage Day. Wednesday mornings (especially after a holiday) are the best days to sniff the neighborhood. When mom isn't looking I can get some juicy morsels out of the neighbor's trash bins... aaaahhh
  5. Woody. My buddy. He can index my booty anytime. He is a great running partner and he even lets me bully him around.
  6. Long walks with R-man thru the cemetery. Peaceful and serene as I look out over the river.
  7. My ball. My Frisbee. My stuffed animals. Squeaky toys, crinkly balls, bouncy balls, neighbor's baseball. I love my toys!!!
  8. Cows and Sheep. You have no idea the joy I get when I herd these beasts around. They are my slaves.
  9. Car Rides. Hanging my head out the window of mom's car, letting the breeze flap my little ears.....
  10. Hypnotizing R-man with my big brown eyes.

Of course I have a job and responsibilities around the house. Mom always needs to know where she is going. The door needs to be opened. The birds and squirrels need to be chased out of the yard. The vacuum needs to be chased so mom doesn't get hurt. AND best of all SOMEONE needs to lick the plates clean after mom and R-man have a meal.

As the new year opens, I am reminded that my yearly vet appointment is just around the corner. It is the ONE thing I hate about being a dog. I make sure to be on my best behaviour when we go see the vet because, They. Give. Out. Treats. To. Me!!!!!!!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

My Fantasy

Watch the video on this blog and you will know what I dream about every night I don't dream about doing the same to COWS...

Herding Sheep

The Water Bowl

It seems that bowl season is upon us. NO, I am not talking about Ella the Therapy Dog! The Family bowl tournament is driving Mom and Dad crazy though!!! Next year I am hoping at a chance to prove that bitch wrong once and for all. She thinks she know football???

My concerns involve my actual Water Bowl. It seems that mom is neglecting to keep it FULL for me. (I would NEVER expect R-man to stoop to do mom's chores.... I Love Him!) Let me tell you a tale of water bowl neglect...

Before Christmas my mom's sister was over at the house wrapping gifts while R-man and Mom were out doing god knows what! They were certainly not taking me on a walk.... Well for two hours I waited for mom to come home, sleeping, watching Animal Planet, walking thru sis's gift wrapping, pacing thru some yummy and sticky tape. I started to sing... in quiet desperation, knuckles white upon the slippery reins ... okay, I digress.

Next thing you know mom walks thru the door like nothin' ever happened. For a few quick moments I jumped for joy and, well, the thrill of seeing her has never ceased to make me lose my mind for a couple of secs....

I finally got my composure and decided to make a point of indicating that my water bowl had been dry for the entire time mom's sis was wrapping Christmas gifts... Two Whole Hours...

I started to cough, mom kept putting away my new treats....

I then started putting a little back into it... maybe some dry heaving.... still mom wandered the house...

a little hacking... One Louder! Louder!! More Hacking! FOR GOD'S SAKE MOM, MY WATER BOWL IS EMPTY..... (she decided to look at me and started to laugh! WTF?)

I stopped short of writhing on the floor and howling.... that would be beneath me.

After mom quit rolling on the kitchen floor with her sis, laughing hysterically, AND crying... She suddenly ran over to my water bowl and filled it up with the blessed cool water of the BATHROOM SINK!!!!!

I ran over to the bowl and gave it a cursory lick. I threw in a small hack/cough for effect and then ran off to play. WOW. The water bowl is finally full again.

The evening came to a fruitful and satisfying end when my R-man walked in the back door and invited me for a quicky around the block. Did I mention how much I LOVE HIM?

Friday, January 2, 2009

Skippin Sideways

Sometimes I wonder about my mom and that big dummy R-Man. I mean, c’mon, there’s no ice or snow right now. Let’s go for a freaking walk once in a while!

They both came home at about 1 in the morning on New Year’s. R-Man tried to take me for a walk, but he was leaning over to the side most of the way and, as usual, it was short.

Sometimes R-Man makes fun of the way I skip down the street when we head out on a long walk. Well, when you are trapped inside most of the day, you’d be skipping too, buster.

R-Man says I skip “sideways.” Well, the other night he wasn’t exactly walking straight up, if ya know what I mean. He said something about a big party at The Elks (there’s elk around here? Where? WHERE?!!!) and I didn’t appreciate him bein’ so goofy.

So yesterday we sat around all day and watched football and the hockey game in the outdoor baseball field. What? 40,000 idiots sitting there watching guys slide around the ice?

I’d like R-Man to take me to a farm pond sometimes so we can both slide around the ice.

I think it’s getting warmer, so no more excuses, R-Man. You better be skippin’ with me after work today!

Thursday, January 1, 2009


My walks in the park with R-man are sometimes the most cool walks with him. The cemetery is like the open range. The hawks and squirrels are everywhere! Woody and I even got to check out a possum the other day! It played dead for us and later played dead for us again.... I swear it had been running around but then suddenly it kinda rolled over and curled up.... BOTH Times?

Here I am avoiding another picture. Jeesh they like to click that camera! Mom got R-man a camera for Christmas and he is really goin crazy...

Sometimes they get a cool pic of me with Woody, my boyfriend, but he always looks like such a doofus in those. He's a golden retriever and they just seem to photograph that way....

More later, gotta run!